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One of the wonderful things about growing up is that eventually you are going to be in a relationship. For most people this usually happens in high school. These relationships can be quite intense and sometimes you might even meet your first love. That is a wonderful experience until it ends.

You see most high school relationships are fated to end. Not all of us get to marry our high school sweethearts and that’s okay. This means at somepoint you will go through the roller coaster emotions of a breakup. Now there is a painful but unavoidable experience.

Recently one of my cousins went through one and here was is part of my advice to her. I told her about some of the things she is not supposed to do after a break up.

1 Don’t keep calling/texting your Ex

It’s hard especially if the breakup was not your idea. Getting dumped is hard, it makes your question your self worth. That’s natural. Pestering our ex will make  you look desperate and prolongs your pain.

2 Don’t hook up with someone else too soon/ Rush into a rebound relationship

Often times people will find a rebound girlfriend/boyfriend after exiting a relationship. Usually this is rushed and an unhealthy relationship that is started for all the wrong reasons. Rebound relationships often lead to more pain so avoid them. Take time to find yourself after each relationship no matter the pressure to be in a new relationship.

3 Don’t start crying in front of strangers who neither care nor are interested in your life story

There is a temptation to want to share the story or to burst into tears every time the breakup pain hits you. Don’t waste your tears and breath telling strangers about your story. You will be seen as a drama king/queen and such people are unlikely to sympathise with you. You don’t want to be labelled crazy by strangers and acquaintances.

4 Don’t make yourself suffer

It takes two people to start a relationship and it certainly takes two people to break up. Don’t beat yourself up or blame yourself for everything that led to the break up. It is unlikely that it was all you.

5 Don’t try to be revengeful

When you are hurting there is the urge to want to hurt whoever your blame for the pain. That is revenge. Obsessing over finding a way to revenge is likely going to hinder you from moving on. Don’t stalk, harass, beat up or try to do anything that embarrasses your ex. Some of these actions can be illegal or lead to you getting hurt more.

6 Don’t think too much about what happened

Don’t obsess too much over what happened. It might seem like it’s the end of the world but that will change eventually as you engage in future relationships you will find time to laugh at how silly you were for thinking this was the end. Break ups happen sad as that might sound.

7 Don’t keep waiting to move on

You deserve to live a happy and fruitful life. Do not put that on hold as you waste away hopping that the other person will want to get back together. While you shouldn’t be in a hurry do move on when you get the opportunity. It will help with your healing.

8 Don’t try to isolate yourself

Seek comfort from family and friends in your times of need. Isolating yourself can lead to depression or even suicidal thoughts. Talking to people who care about you will help lessen the pain of the breakup. Friends and family are always on your side even when it seems they are not.

9 Don’t visit those places which remind you of the past relationship

During the early raw moments of your break up avoid visiting places or doing activities that remind you too much of your break up. This will help you stop obsessing over the end of your relationship and will help you move on. There are so many places to go and alternative leisure activities. Who knows you might discover a new magic spot or some hidden talent you didn’t even know you had.

10 Don’t read old messages again and again

This is similar to other points above. Stop obsessing over the break up. Delete old messages and give yourself time to heal. Find a way to contact your ex to give them their items back for example pictures, jewelry etc that you had in your possession. Don’t burn them always take the high road